Monday, January 2, 2012

Happy New Year to All

Firstly, I must apologize for being such a loser and not writing anything in forever. I've been working and doing things and wanting to sleep so that's why. I'm not really sure where this post is going to go, but I guess we'll just see what happens.
Well, it's 2012, kids and you know what that means: More crazy psychos talking about the end of the world. They could go away forever, thanks. I work with some of the crazy psychos, by the way, and they were going nuts about the two days in the past six months that were SUPPOSEDLY the rapture or whatever. They were nonstop ranting about it for their entire shift. To me, to other cashiers, to each other, to customers....which is just inappropriate... and I wanted to hit them. With my car. Anyway, we made it through Y2K, we've made it through probably hundreds of "end of the world" conspiracies, so I'm really not concerned about this whole 2012 scenario. You know what? The Mayans ran out of space on that effing rock they were carving the future on. That's what. The future is not decided by an ancient rock. Morals were supposed to have been literally set in stone by God himself....said a guy who climbed a mountain and disappeared for a long ass time... but see how that worked out? People steal every day, people are hating on their parents, people are killing people, and people are jacking each others' significant others. Ten Commandments, you have been defied. Mayan too.
And to prove my point(?) here's something useful, I think: Useful Words
Let's see...iPhone's treating me well. His name is Murphy because I love him and I think he deserves a name. Also, he deserves a case, which is why I ordered a really sweet one from I really think it's the best site out there for fun stuff. You can get some things as prints or posters, or you can make them into phone cases or skins, it's totally sweet.
So Spotify has recently introduced me to one of my new favorite bands, Wolf Gang. They remind me a little of Miike Snow, Vampire Weekend, The Killers, Arcade Fire and......idk, Florence and The Machine. I dunno, but they're really good. I like them a lot. And I like Spotify a lot. I just wish you could directly download from it...but I guess that would mean that we'd have to pay for it and shit. Oh well.

I have been having the most effed up dreams lately. Like today, I say today because I woke up at 9 and went back to bed until maybe 45 minutes ago, I had some of the strangest dreams. I dreamed that I was meeting this girl I used to work with named Hailey for lunch or something and she had brought her sister along. Her sister happened to be Kate Middleton and we were just chatting it up and I was super on edge because, holy shit, it's Kate Middleton. Then she asked me how my Christmas was and I said it was pretty good and then she goes on to tell me how pleasant her Christmas was and how much fun it was and then I got bored so I lied and told my friend Hailey and her sister Kate Middleton that I totally forgot that I had to pick up Sadie from something and left. I don't know what that was about. And then, almost immediately after that, I was on the front lawn of that school that's used in every high school movie, you know? Think like "Mean Girls", "Twilight", etc. The high school is always this big, stone building with a sign on the right side of the front walk and a huge, double doored entrance, and there's always a really nice front lawn. Anyway, I was there and so were Bagheera and Baloo from The Jungle Book.
And Bagheera was all pissed at Baloo for bringing along this other bear....who had really long shaggy black fur and a long tail!! I don't know what kind of bear that was and neither did dream me so I asked my friend that I happened to be walking with, Kim Possible, and she said something like, "It's probably an evolution thing," which totally made sense to dream me. And I guess it kind of makes sense to actual me too. Like maybe bears did used to have long tails but then a few of them mated with things that didn't really have much of a tail at all or some of them were born with really little tails and then that kept going on and now we have bears with nubby tails. ANYWAY. Kim Possible and I were supposed to get some big student group to do some skits for the school and we had some weird cheerleader sketch and then some boyband skit that the audience really seemed to enjoy and then some weird thing with hair...
And last night, when I was sleeping in Sadie's bed because I could, I dreamed about this monster that looked like a lion but it had tiger stripes and, like, dragon stuff....I don't know. But it was trying to get me and every time I would find a hiding spot, it would creep it's paw through a crack in the rock and try to find me. And it kept saying, "I know you're in there, I'm going to find you," and it was really scary. Let's see...I also dreamed that I was flying a WWII plane and one of the wings had gotten blown off and I somehow managed to land it (totally impossible, btw) and when I got out of the plane, I saw that I landed on the house of someone I used to know in high school and it was on fire and I had a huge breakdown and tried to save jumping back in my plane and shooting the hell out of the house with the kind of Gatling gun I had in my plane. Dream me had some problems. I also dreamed (this was a while ago) that I was late to work and then I got there and everyone was super mad at me and I started to lose all my teeth and it was really stressfull.
Weird right?! I really need to get some help or something. I don't know.
I'm still working on my Madison app and I'm really starting to want to cry. I'm scared that I won't get in...which is why I've also begun the application for the Main U in Minneapolis/St. Paul whatever. It's really not my first choice, duh, and I'd really rather not go there at all. But should Madison fall through, I'd like there to be hope. I don't want to be in Duluth anymore. I hate it here. I'm also looking at Columbia College in Chicago and The University of Chicago...just because. Columbia looks promising, just saying. I just really don't want to be here anymore. And I think that if I submit applications and don't make it, I'll probably kill myself. I'd be the biggest disappointment to myself and my friends and everyone else because I couldn't get out. And my sisters will do better than me in life and I'll just be that one who stayed in Duluth her entire life and never did anything real because all she did was talk big.
I want so much but it seems that school is the only way to get anything out of the world we live in. And that sucks for people like me who don't do well in school at all. We go to class and we do the work, we just don't think in terms of "if I do well here, I can do everything." Some of the coolest people didn't graduate or didn't go to school at all. For instance, Ben Affleck dropped out...twice. Once from Vermont after one semester, and again out of Occidental. Snoop Dogg never went to college and said, “A lot of people like to fool you and say that you're not smart if you never went to college, but common sense rules over everything...AGREED!! For once in my life, I agree 100% with Snoop Dogg. He continues, "...That's what I learned from selling crack." Well done. Diana Agron never went to college, Malin Ackerman dropped out, James Dean dropped out of UCLA, and Robert Downey Jr. dropped out of Santa Monica High School in his sophomore year and see how well he's doing?! Armie Hammer was born into wealth and went to UCLA anyway...and dropped out because it wasn't something he could do. If I was born into money, I could do that too. Everyone seems to think that college is what's going to get us everything. Part of me wants to believe it because I'm so afraid of failure. But another part says, "fuck it, do what you want to do." And what I want to do is go somewhere other than shitty Minnesota, get a crappy job, and pursue what I really want. 
But I'm afraid of my mother. She'd probably kill me if I left and decided to do what I want. Kill me or disown me. Either would suck. But I don't want to do everything I do because my mother told me to. What kind of person is that? A shitty one. And right now, I'm just a shitty person who wants desperately for people to know who she is. And a shitty person who cries all the time because she hates herself.
True story.
On a completely different note, Netflix has "Oban Star Racers" and I'm almost done with the entire series. It's this weird French-Japanese cartoon and it's in the future where every ten thousand years, there's this interplanetary race where the winner will receive "the ultimate prize". And this time, a team from Earth has been selected and they have to win or Earth will be destroyed by this douchey race called The Crogs. They're dicks. So Eva, the main character, escapes from this horrid boarding school she's been at for ten years to find her father, who happens to be the manager for the Earth racing team. She calls herself Molly when he doesn't recognize her and and manages to get a job. When the team's main pilot is injured beyond repair, Molly takes over and starts winning every race and then the guy realized that she's is daughter and I seriously started crying last night when I watched the episode. It's so emotional, guys!
I'm moving back to my apartment tonight I guess. And I don't really know what else. JUST KIDDING! I totally know what else!! I'm getting my braces off in three days!! I'm so excited! It's about damn time too. And then I'm getting my hair cut and then I'm going to dinner with Ryan and Kayleen. I spent New Year's Eve/part of Day at Kayleen's house. It was super fun and Ryan came over for a little while too. At midnight, we hugged and it was awesome. They're my best friends. Now we need a professional photo of the three of us I think. Just kidding, that's super weird.

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